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Archive for January, 2012

If you give a toddler a cupcake…you’re bound to get some silliness!

Check out more silly faces!

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***Papaw disclaimer***

This post is all about breastfeeding.  In fact, every single picture is of me nursing Charley.  Just a heads up.  Now go clean your laundry room.

What makes you passionate about something?  Do you think about it every day?  Fight for it?  Get that burning/excited/fiery energy when you think about it?  I’ve never actually thought about what it means…passionate.

Every online dictionary contains the word ‘intense’ in the definition.  I love that word.  Intense.  I automatically go into fight mode when I hear it…maybe that’s the competitor in me.

I’m a pretty passionate person to begin with…it’s in my genes.  Yep…the shy little girl who was barely able to nod to her kindergarten teacher…who had a friend order her lunch for her (thanks, Kali)…that girl’s got some fire.

I never felt like breastfeeding was something I would add to the list of things I was passionate about.  Well…I take that back.  Before I had Charley I thought I was passionate about breastfeeding.  I feel ignorant even saying that.  How can you have that intense burning desire for something you’ve never experienced…never even had the chance to fight for?  And when Charley was born, nursing was a breeze.  She took to the boob like a pro and never looked back…and for the first 4 months or so I was in breastfeeding heaven.  But then something happened.  Nursing every hour was taking it’s toll on me…not to mention the recurring clogged ducts.  Breastfeeding began to feel like a chore, and I could see my goal of nursing for 12 months fading away. At 6 months I even decided to wean Charley during the day and only nurse her at night.  I was done.

But after a few days of formula and bottles the burning/excited/fiery energy began igniting in my core…and true passion emerged.

Hi my name is Martha Cate, and I’m a breastfeedingaholic.

This is not a knock on formula mama’s.  My heart aches for the women who fight like hell to breastfeed their babies, and for some reason aren’t able to.  They call lactation consultant after lactation consultant, get nipple shields, take supplements…and yet nothing seems to work so they end up switching to bottles.  And hey, that’s what formula is for…to supplement when breast milk isn’t available.  This isn’t even a knock on mama’s who choose to breastfeed for a few months and then for some reason decide to stop.  However, what I don’t understand is how a woman can give birth…feel her milk come in…knowing all the benefits that liquid gold has…and choose to just let it dry up.  There are women out there that would KILL for that.

Can you feel the passion?

This morning I decided to pull all the nursing pictures I could find…sort of my journey in breastfeeding.

the start of our breastfeeding journey

first time nursing in public

while walking the race for the cure

post nursing coma

nursing post surgery

taken today

You can tell when I was at my breaking point…there are no pictures from when Charley was 4-5 months old…and I like that.  It truly depicts how I was feeling.  No faking it.

I have no clue how long I’ll breastfeed Charley.  In less than two months I will hit my original goal of 12 months…and while I’ll probably cut back a lot I can’t see myself stopping completely anytime soon.

So add breastfeeding to my list of passions.

I’ve got the scars to prove it.

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The brag post…

It’s January 23rd…

and my baby girl is 10 months old (and some change)

That’s 2 months away from a year old.

Where

has

the

time

gone?

In the past two weeks Charley has gone from baby to toddler…and I’m so not ready.

Did I mention sister can walk?

It’s so funny watching her walk.  She’s so little, and watching her stand upright, let alone walk, doesn’t seem real.  But she is so proud of herself…and I’m even more proud to be her mama.  Once she gets going she gets the biggest, cheesiest grin on her face followed by the most mischievous laugh you can imagine…and then she’s off.

She’s extremely busy, and to be honest…downright nosy.  Nothing goes untouched, and if I’m eating something, it better be food I can share because she thinks she’s entitled to it.

And she’s trying to talk…like real words.

She lights up when she’s sees animals, and the other night we went to my parents’ basement, and when I said, “Charley look at the kitty cats!” she grinned…and whispered “kii kii”.

Dog is “da”, and monkey “mmmmmma”.

She’s still a baby, right?

Don’t answer that.

 

 

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Sometimes as a mama you need to give yourself a pat on the back.  All those times I read to Charley when she was itty bitty…and had no clue what I was doing…well that’s paid off.

Sister loves books.

*pats self on the back*

Check out more book photos at i heart faces!

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While our Christmas break had lots of drama (read my recent blog posts to see why), Charley sure got lots of quality family time.  I’m in love with this candid family fun moment.  🙂

Check out more family fun moments!

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January 29th

Tell your friends.

Because sister loves to eat…and mama needs to help bring home the bacon.

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Making the best of it…

What’s a cross between a funk and being overly stimulated at the same time?

Can’t find the answer?

Neither can I…and I’m there right now.

This pregnancy loss…and it’s even weird for me to call it that because I don’t feel like I was ever pregnant…but I was.  This pregnancy loss has affected me completely different than the miscarriage a couple years ago.  I was a wreck then.  I don’t think I left the house for two weeks…and the crying.  I was heartbroken.  It was a game changer for our little family…and pregnancy would never be the same again.  All the innocence and bliss that a woman should be able to feel when she sees that second line turn pink…gone.  Andy and I couldn’t even really get excited about Charley until 12 weeks, and even then I was one ball of pregnant paranoid mess.  And now this.  It’s almost like I’m numb…and I wonder if one day I’ll just break down, and the reality of what actually happened will pour out of me.

One thing that has been the same with this loss is the obsession I have with researching any and everything related to what is happening to me.  The internet is the best/worst invention out there, and by God I’m getting both of those benefits.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve googled something that involves the word ‘ectopic’ or ‘ruptured tube’.  I can’t help it.  I try and work on other things…but eventually I’m soaking up articles and forums like a sponge.  I’m determined to figure out why this happened, but deep down I know I’ll never get the answer from a computer.  Some things just happen, and my faith is going to allow me to make the best of it…and grow stronger from it.

It seems like most people would be angry with God for letting these things happen…but I find myself closer to Him…thanking Him.  When we miscarried I kept going on and on about how thankful I was that we miscarried when we did rather than carrying the pregnancy further on and then losing the baby.  I kept saying how cool it was that we didn’t even come in for an ultrasound that day…but that Jan suggested we get one…and how if I didn’t get that ultrasound who knows when we would have found out.  Don’t get me wrong.  I was devastated…but I was also thankful.

The same goes for this loss.  I’m so incredibly thankful for the traffic that allowed us to rethink things and turn around.  I’m thankful for the wonderful doctors in Marietta who took great care of me and made me feel safe.  I’m thankful for Dr. Garcia…who is so incredibly upbeat and positive…and makes me feel like an individual, not just another patient.  I’m thankful for the wonderful time I got to spend with my own mama…and thankful for the priceless bonding that Charley had with BOTH sets of grandparents.

No…God didn’t cause this to happen.

But we sure have made the best of it.

Amen!

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